just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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