Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
