I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I AM VODKA MAN
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
