I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
