so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
