bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
