how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
