my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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