Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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