Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
