im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
