alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
