Welp...herpes.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize