Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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