Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
