I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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