We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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