i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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