Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
