eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
