I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
