i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
