My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
