got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I didn't notice because vodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
