Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
