My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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