My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
