one might say we're banned from that church
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
