I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
