and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
