guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
