i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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