you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
