I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize