I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
