Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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