NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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