he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
