I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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