I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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