You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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