Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
