Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
