i don't like sucking hair
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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