Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
