Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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