No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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