Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
