You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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