i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
