I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the day after is always just damage control
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
