I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The ass gains better be worth it
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