I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
