Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
