even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
