Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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