is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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