the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
