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I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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