The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's rum buckets o'clock
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
