oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
