All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
