im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
