My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
